Audio Atrocities (TM) :: Countdown VAMPIRES (Playstation)

Haven't heard of this game? Don't worry, it's the game equivalent of an SBD. Bandai had this huge smelly mass festering in their Japanese office and they had to get it out without anyone noticing where it came from. They succeeded, but the telltale scent lingers...

This game is a poor, no...really poor ripoff of Resident Evil, right down to the control scheme, sounds, and cliches. The dialogue in this game was seemingly put on tape one afternoon after the staff stumbled back from lunch, where they were getting hammered in a vain attempt to soothe their feelings of self-loathing.

Listening to these awful clips, you might want to track this down because it's a fun kinda bad. Well, yeah. It's the same kind of fun you might have ripping your toenails off and pouring lemon juice where they used to be. Oh...and don't forget the salt.

Exhibit A: “Something's weeeird...”
There's nothing here that suggests anything more horrifying than a Scooby Doo mystery is afoot.

Exhibit B: “What's your role in all this...Detective Swish?”
Of course Inspector Fuzz sent his best man Detective Swish, who took time off from his assignment on Uranus wiping out the Klingons. If the proof wasn't here, you wouldn't have believed there was a Detective Swish in a game, right?

Exhibit C: “...I'm going to tell you a little secret just to make it so you really don't want to die.”
I'll tell you what the secret is so you don't have to play the game to find out. The secret is this game sucks! There, I said it. It sucks worse than you can imagine. Really.

The Rest:
Haven't had enough? Here's some additional clips for your amusement:
Clip 4, Clip 5, Clip 6, Clip 7, Clip 8, Clip 9, Clip 10, Clip 11

“What's your role in all this...Detective Swish?”