Audio Atrocities (TM) :: Link:The Faces of Evil (CD-I)

Back in the fledgling days of CD-ROM gaming, Philips threw their hat in the ring with CD-I, or CD-Inadequate. The games were basically PC-ish affairs by companies that weren't really console-savvy, and it showed. Some backroom politics reportedly resulted in Philips being allowed to put three Zelda games on their machine to boost sales. Three awful Zelda games. This is one of those games.

This Zelda is a side-scrolling platformer, with sub-saturday morning cartoon animation scenes breaking up the action. Link is rendered as a 5-year-old might draw him, and voiced in the fruitiest fashion possible. There is no excuse for the quality of this game, but, it has contributed more specimens for our museum.

Exhibit A: “I just wonder what GAAAnon's up to!”
While Link is wondering what Ganon is up to, the director was obviously out to lunch. Or, quite possibly, this was the rare self-directed game production where there was no oversight at all. In any case, it's terrible.

Exhibit B: “No...not into the pit, it buuurns!”
Fake growly voice doing a classic Wizard of Oz-like line. Miyamoto had to have diarrhea for a month after seeing what Philips did to his characters.

Exhibit C: “You, Link, are the hero...”
Typical terrible dialogue from a typically terrible game. The "you, Link" is awkward and unnecessary and sounds plain stupid. Top the sequence off with a completely uncharacteristic "I won!", and you have Atrocious perfection.

The Rest:
Haven't had enough? Here's some additional clips for your amusement:
Clip 4, Clip 5, Clip 6, Clip 7, Clip 8, Clip 9

“No...not into the pit, it buuurns!”